You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
