Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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