If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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