I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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