You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
