Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
