So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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