The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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