Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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