Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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