The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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