guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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