I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
