rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
