meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
