YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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