dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
