I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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