i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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