AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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