she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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