Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
