wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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