We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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