If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
