I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
