Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would fuck him just for his dog
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
