She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
