ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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