Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
