I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
