I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
