He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
