Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
