dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BRING THE BAGELS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
