is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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