Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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