Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
