he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
