beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
