Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
