shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
