dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
