I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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