a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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