I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
