Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
