ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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