so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Randomize
