the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
