I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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