I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
