sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
