she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
