every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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