It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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