You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My ass is underappreciated
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
