where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I believe in your delicious
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
