Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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