All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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