Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
