I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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