My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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