I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
