we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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