just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
