i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
