Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
