doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
