are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
