i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
