The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ladies don't puke and tell
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
