This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
