There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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