It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
