I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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